"We still can. You have no imagination."
I step away from the spreading pool of blood. "No, dumbass. If you wrap him first and shoot through the rug, it doesn't splatter so much. Easier clean up."
Jack runs a hand through his hair."Oh. Right. Sorry."
"Look, we gotta do something with this mess." I wave the gun toward the kitchen. "What's in there?"
A smile crawls across his lips. "Oh, I get it. Stairway to the basement." Jack nods. "Like that Poe story, right?"
"Not Poe again."
"The basement...we can hide the body down there. Poe used that one, too. 'The Black Cat' I think." Jack grabs Mr. Body's feet and pulls him across the hardwood, leaving a thick streak in his path.
"For fuck's sake, you're making it worse."
Jack pauses. "What?"
"The blood, dumbass. We gotta clean up."
His stare shifts from the blood to the body to me. "That's what the fire is for."
"Fire? Jeeee-sus."
Jack shakes his head. "Don't you read anything?"
__________
Remember, remember why they used the blender?
20 comments:
I love reading about incompetent criminals, especially when Poe is thrown around.
That hilarious. I love it when criminals are inspired by Poe. BTW on the third to last line, I think you meant to say "His stare shifts..." Just sayin'...
Better Poe than Splatterpunk authors. Yikes.
Jamie - Like Poe would be the "textbook" for commiting crimes. Ha!
Alan - Thanks for the notice, Alan. We'll call that one a Freudian slip.
Rebecca - No splatter for me, thanks.
HAHAHA, I agree with Jamie-- incompetent criminals are made of pure golden win.
Poe as the textbook, totally. It's like the Darwin Awards they give out for attempted criminality!
Katey - "attempted criminality" is such a lovely phrase. Weren't there videos of dumb criminals advertised on TV a few years ago? (could've been like ten years ago, the way my memory has been working lately)
Illiterate criminals are the worst kind.
Well told of silly criminals - blood, guns, and poe. . . works for me!
Jim Wisneski
Hee! Well-read criminals. Well, one of them. Very fun.
Ha, time to revoke somebody library card! Great characters & bloody fun story! :-)
I like watching those video clip dumb criminal shows. It's always interesting to see the level of criminal stupidity there is in the world.
Nice story. A criminal who gets their big idea from Poe instead of video games or movies seems like a nice twist.
Heh, I enjoyed this - hopefully Jack won't get any bright ideas about killing his friend.
My memory is shot too, so I don't know. But I'll bet you could get some awesome footage out of that. It's always my favorite chapter in the Darwin Awards though, for sure.
Dumbass is one of my favourite words! This story was SO cute! I don't know whether to arrest those idiots or hug 'em. Although it was the perfect length in terms of storytelling, it was so well-written that I wanted more... so I read it again! Good job!
I love the little 'tasters' you give us.
Keep it up! :)
Very entertaining.
These characters are just begging for more adventures! And I'd love to read them! ~ Olivia
This is funny, pulp-fiction-esque, and enjoyable to read!
Fun little slice.
An amusing pair of characters!
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