Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Awful Things I've Done to My Hometown...

Natalie Sin started it, Catherine Gardner put together a nice list of her own, and now I'm adding my mutated entry...

Top Ten Awful Things I've Done in/to My (Surrogate) Hometown*:

10. Planted a hungry, snarling, barbecue-loving THING in the shadows.
9. Converted a lumbering claymation giant into an art critic.
8. Drowned a lonely boy so he can continue looking for playmates in the afterlife.
7. Unleashed a murderer who is stuck in a bizarre time warp (like a skipping record).
6. Blessed a murderous country road with children--undead children.
5. Given a few innocent citizens an addiction to human eyeballs (they just want to collect them).
4. Populated the storeroom below the high school auditorium with vampires.
3. Sent a poor farm boy to war to learn to listen to the dead and follow their commands.
2. Allowed a swarm of doberman-sized beetles to devour most of the citizenry.
1. Populated the pond behind our local cemetery with the undead who were denied a dignified burial.

*Most of my stories take place in the fictional town of Springdale, Kansas--a sad mock-up of my own home of Clay Center. These ten happenings have all taken place my surrogate town.


Catherine J Gardner said...

Remind me never to go to Springdale. You're list makes mine look far too tame...

Natalie L. Sin said...

I call my mock home town Stewart, Connecticut. When I get back to my novel in the fall, I'm going to do very bad things to it. Tee hee!