Early on, way back in the summer of '07, I was going to be a Famous AuthorTM. My career as an author would be awesome and well-paying. When I started my first book, this
is exactly how I felt. It didn't take long for the awesome/well-paying fantasies to give way to "please publish my short story
pleeeeeease". I wanted my name in print, ANYWHERE. I didn't travel far
down this road until I realized it wasn't about my name in print, but
telling stories. Readers crawled from the proverbial woodwork and gave writing a purpose. My real goal surfaced: to tell the best story I could.
Sometimes this meant trying to crack tougher markets (Shimmer? What did I send them, eleventy-billion stories before an acceptance?). My stories improved. My writing improved. I learned how to make words do what I wanted.
Self-publishing via Kindle Digital Platform became a thing. And then money showed up. Fear crashed the party--real fear about Real Stuff (words feel more important when you capitalize them). I had a pile of published stories, a couple of novels with small presses, and "need" to make writing pay.
Elliot was on the way, and I was scared sh*tless. Post-partum threatened. Writing needed to
start paying, and paying big or I would have to stop. I made some bad
choices and worked on some bad novels. I puked a bunch of garbage words all over KDP. I stopped writing to tell stories, but to make money. Love disappeared.Sometimes this meant trying to crack tougher markets (Shimmer? What did I send them, eleventy-billion stories before an acceptance?). My stories improved. My writing improved. I learned how to make words do what I wanted.
After more than a year of hiatus, I've started writing again. With all of my family/other commitments, I might be looking at a story a month--or maybe a couple of flash. But the love is there. The characters are speaking to me again. Words beg me to touch them.
What will I tell this anonymous student, the one with Big Writing DreamsTM? Know why you want to write. For me--when I loved writing--it was always about the story and the audience. Once upon a time, I could make words sing and dance and make love to the page, even if it was a dark and slightly dysfunctional love (most of my stuff WAS horror).
I know who I am as a writer, and it feels good. So good.
7 comments:
Welcome back :)
You've been missed!
Thanks! I'm glad to be "back"--new and maybe not-so-improved, but back. ;)
Looking forward to reading the new stuff, Aaron. (But I liked the old stuff, too.)
I think all of us have taken breaks from the Internet. Glad you're back.
And it's good to hear you're writing for the love again. :-)
Fantastic news. I've missed your stories.
Cheers, Cate. I've missed being "here".
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