I stumbled through that awful day with too many verbal revisions. Aimee is gone. Aimee did those things in the past.
At night, after the boys are in bed and when I do most of my private grieving, I sometimes have little breakthroughs. Last week, when thinking about all the things she won't do anymore, I realized I don't have to say "I loved Aimee." This isn't a necessary revision--I still love her in the present tense, just as I still love my father even though he's been gone for nearly 23 years. If grief is the cost of loving, at least love doesn't have an expiration date.
Yesterday was Max's birthday. I struggled; I spilled over with tears and frustration and all sorts of awful heartache after the boys went to bed. I miss Aimee--again in the present tense--and love her dearly. The way I love her has changed, but not the love itself.
And that, even in the blackest moments, keeps me going right now.
Another revision I should mention:
The "buzz bomb" from my "Culture Clash" post was actually called an "Overlord". Thanks to Janae for setting the record straight.
It still was less than spectacular. (Sorry, Jason)