Sunday, May 13, 2012

For Mother's Day

This message is for men on Mother's Day, a message in honor of Aimee.

Guys, I'll keep it brief: if you have kids--and I don't care if you are divorced, estranged, never married--find your baby mama and go tell her how amazing she is. Now (as in as soon as you finish reading this post). Find your own mom and tell her how amazing she is, too. See a mom on the street with her kids, wish her a happy Mother's Day and tell her how amazing she is. They're all pretty damn amazing.

The truth? None of us would be here without our mothers. If you're a dad, you wouldn't be a dad without a woman who carried your kid for nine months. Anyone who has witnessed childbirth--the everyday miracle--knows women kick much ass in the toughness department.We say these things often ("you wouldn't be here without your mother"), but we seldom take the time or mental energy to really process what it means.

After you tell her how amazing she is, make sure you take care of her. Not just today, but everyday. Not in some creepy Promise Keepers kind of way, either (that's not my message). Just be good to her. Support her. Burn copies of Time Magazine's Are You Mom Enough? issue on the street just to let people know that yes, your baby mama is more than mom enough.

They all are.

14 comments:

Lauren: ) said...

Thanks, Aaron: ) Happy Mother's Day to sweet Aimee.

Cathy Olliffe-Webster said...

Tears in my eyes here... thanks Aaron!!!!!! I hope you manage to have a good day.

Sara said...

All I can say is I love you and the boys. Holding you in my heart today and always.

Anonymous said...

I imagine your own mama is pretty amazing!

jan said...

Thank you for this post. Knowing what you have been through makes it especially poignant. Fatherhood will get its "day" in June...if only fathers knew how important they are to their children.

Laura said...

I learned of your blog through an email forward. I've never heard of this disease before, so I thank you for sharing the truth and spreading the word. I'm so sorry your family has to walk this path - I know loss is horrible and hard and the opposite of what you want.

Kelli said...

Thanks for the Mother's Day shout-out! I was thinking about your boys all day yesterday. We put more flowers out at Aimee's memorial for Mother's Day. <3

Aaron Polson said...

Kelli - I saw them this morning. Thanks. We had a pretty good day yesterday, but I planned plenty to keep the boys busy.

Katey said...

Word. <3

Paula R C Readman said...

Wonderful words, Aaron. I'm off to see my mother on Friday. She in a nursing home.

John McCoy said...

I'm glad to hear that it was a pretty good day. Staying busy with the kiddos is good. We think about you guys constantly.

Kelli said...

Oops, the comment above was from me (Kelli). The computer was signed in under my hubby's name.

Sara Vancil said...

That last line was the perfect summation...perfect.

vikki said...

i was devastated by this post, and by the pictures of the couch aimee wanted. i found your blog through link from a friend, and it takes me right back to the days after my daughter was born. i didn't have postpartum psychosis, but i had postpartum depression that laid me low. i struggled for months to pull myself out of it, to be the mother i had imagined i would be, to step up and do what every other woman in the world seemed to be able to do without even trying.

one day--december 13, 2002, it was a friday--i realized that i couldn't take care of my daughter anymore. i couldn't take care of myself. and i couldn't take the pain anymore. if it didn't change, and soon, i would have to kill myself. i loved my husband with all my heart. i loved my daughter so much it hurt. i would have done absolutely anything to protect her from harm. but i couldn't stand the pain anymore. something inside me had control of me, and i was convinced they would be better off without me.

i was lucky. meds and help worked rapidly for me, and i made it through. it breaks my heart--truly, it hurts me--to imagine the scope of aimee's loss, to you and to your sons. i know that nothing i can say will ease that pain. and maybe it's presumptuous of me to try. but i will tell you anyway, that when i realized i might have to kill myself, it had nothing to do with my love for my family. if love could have saved me, everything would've been fine. but my thinking was so twisted by my illness that i truly believed the most loving thing i could do for them would be to release them. and i just couldn't hurt like that anymore.

thank you for sharing your grief. what i've read suggests to me that you and your boys will be alright...but i'm so sorry you have to walk this road, and without the woman you love.