Friday, January 29, 2010

#fridayflash Inheritance

When Magomu reaches the platform, he hurries to his brother’s rope. His hands ache, raw and strained from the climb, but he works quickly, struggling against the dullness of his knife. It is an old knife, but not as old as his father's. Not as valuable.

He closes his eyes as the last strands fray and pop. With his eyes closed, he sees his brother's body, broken on the packed earth below, and imagines holding his inheritance to the sun, the blade glittering, while the crowd cheers his name.

19 comments:

Jeremy Kelly said...

My kind've stuff. Great story, Aaron - thanks.

Jamie Eyberg said...

You just took the rope climb from gym class to a whole knew level. Do they still do that? Congratulations on some great imagery, that will stick with me all weekend.

Jen B said...

Wow-- This puts "flash" at a whole new level. Very powerful piece.

Marisa Birns said...

This is a vivid, powerful piece of flash. You showed it well, within an economy of sentences.

Deanna Schrayer said...

Powerful indeed! Very well-told story with fantastic description.

Cate Gardner said...

Proving that a story can be told in very few words.

Aaron Polson said...

Thanks for reading...Jamie, PE is a little safer these days.

katey said...

Aw, now that was fun. I think I learn something new from every piece of your Friday Flash, as well as being entertained. Nice execution!

Elana Johnson said...

Feels very Hunger Games-ish. I love it!

Alan W. Davidson said...

Great references to his and his father's knives. It really gets the imagination going as to what powers his inheritance might hold. Excellent piece of writing. As Jen B. noted, you are lifting the flash fiction bar.

Linda said...

short and not sweet. so much tension in so few words... brava! peace, linda

Karen from Mentor said...

Love the name Magomu. So gypsy in feel. I can just see this all happening during practice in the big top before the crowd arrives.

Can't help but sit here and wonder if the seemingly otherworldly inheritance will be worth it.

So much packed into so few words.

very nicely done.

Karen :0)

livloveslit said...

The pacing is so frenetic, and yet the action is vividly told. I'm not clear on what's happened, though. Has he killed his brother? This one leaves me thinking, but as last week, it's a joy to read your writing. ~ Olivia (@simplyolivia)

Michelle said...

Tight, wow this says much in so little. Well done

K.C. Shaw said...

Short but packed a real punch! Excellent.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget that book you promised me... lol :D Just a reminder.

Danielle Ferries said...

Very dark.

mazzz in Leeds said...

Quite the punch in this - short but ... well, maybe not sweet!

Tom Gillespie said...

Tight and packed with explosives. Excellent stuff!